To be honest, When I read the news that I am about to relate to you, I had to dig deep into the darkest recesses of my childhood mind to pull forth a memory of who the Ultimate Warrior was. As I stated previously I never liked wrestling so my Ultimate Warrior schema consisted of fuzzy memories left over from the Super Nintendo game Royal Rumble. In many ways I wish the Democratic Underground had never done a story on this living manifestation of the Baseball Steroid allegations. But then again, to paraphrase the immortal words of Mad Magazine, this is "comedy in the jugular," and when mixed with politics it can be a heady brew indeed. Enough Stalling.
So according to last week's Top Ten Conservative Idiots column on democraticunderground.com, the University of Connecticut chapter of the College Republicans, (and CR's are known for their evenhanded, unbiased behavior the likes of which include setting up White Pride scholarships, having anti-affirmative action bake sales and following orders given by Ann Coulter to strong-arm protesters at a speech like so many brown shirts.) invited The Ultimate Warrior to speak at the campus about conservative ideology. Apparently The Warrior's comments which included such gems as, Queering don't make the world work." and an instruction to an Iranian student to "get a towel." did not go over well on the diverse campus.
The behavior of the of the Warrior was so outrageous that it forced to UofConn GOP to issue several formal apologies to various offended groups on the campus in what seemingly looked like a genuine display of remorse or at least embarrassment. And what more can one ask for when it comes to the GOP, young or otherwise.
Now one would have thought that after such outbursts, the Ultimate Warrior would have receded back into whatever toothpaste hawking existence he now resides in. Not so. You see after the story "hit the press," somethingawful.com did an editorial piece on the antics of the Warrior in which it referred to him as a "crazy racist." Worried that somethingawful had defamed his sterling name and character the Warrior had his "Communications Director," Chris Lewis, threaten the Webmaster of the site with a lawsuit. When it became clear that Rich Kyanka (the webmaster) would not be cowed by what did indeed turn out to be empty threats, Lewis presumably at the behest of UT himself, resorted to behaviors akin to stalking and creepy threats. Actions included; Calling Kyanka's father and labeling him a "candy-ass," mentioning his wife by name and issuing this statement for the ages.
...A terrible shame that you don't have the balls to claim your own name, little man. Speaking of little man, I've also managed to track down a couple of pictures of you, which I've attached to this email. You should really spend less time typing away at your computer and a little more time in the gym. Those arms of yours look like spaghetti. And those rosy-red cheeks of yours are quite manly, as well.
Here is the full text of the e-mail exchange."
And so ends the hilarious expose` on the Ultimate Warrior. With heroic athletes like UT, who needs the likes of Curt Schilling and Derek Jeter. They're probably just "queers" anyway.
Cross-posted here and there.